i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want a musical about memes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize