I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
