So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
