i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Less talking, more tequila
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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