Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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