I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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