If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
either way he was missing a nipple.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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