so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
