so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
