the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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