Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
