so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
