Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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