Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
