paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
