i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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