you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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