Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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