U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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