a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
