the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
