bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
