He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
