I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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