Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
