I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
