forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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