I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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