I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize