I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
