How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
