There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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