i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
