a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize