Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
