Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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