Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
