there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
