Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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