I seem to have left my pride at pride
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
