If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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