I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize