jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
