Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
