Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Panties = found
Randomize
