You're my little dorito
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
