u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
