I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize