He disabled his match.com account in front of me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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