He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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