Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
