wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
