last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
