Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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