She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
