maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
