I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
