did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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