now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Four minutes until I can fart!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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