my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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