Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
