talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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