why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
