They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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