??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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