just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
