I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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