Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
