i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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