It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
